If you have been following the series of The Secret to Disciplining Well you know we are discussing Phase Three. If you have not been following the series you will want to circle back and read Phase 1 and Phase 2.
The Secret to Disciplining Well occurs in 3 progressive stages:
Phase 1 Instruction. Phase 2 Correction. Phase 3 Sanction.
Sanctions or punishment is the last phase of the disciplining well progression.
Here is what sanctions, as they relate to parenting well, look like:
- They occur only after instruction, retraining, and correction have been used.
- They happen infrequently.
- They last for a short period of time.
- They are administered following a warning.
- They are not exercised in anger.
- Their purpose is to change hearts and behavior going forward.
4. Taking away stuff, activities, or privileges. Remove the child’s currency if it relates to the crime. Keep the punishment logical, use natural consequences so the child relates the undesirable behavior to the punishment. If the teen comes home later than his curfew, perhaps he can owe you time by having to wake up early and do some work for you.
We can turn even the 3rd phase of discipline (punishment, sanction) into training. A general rule of thumb is to start small. You can always go bigger. Rather than grounding the rascal for life–administer a shorter time period combined with effectively training your child’s character while correcting his behavior.
Punishment is not for parents to use so they feel they have regained control. Punishment ought to be used to help the child learn to control his actions and alter his attitude.
co-founder of 1Corinthians13Parenting.com, co-author of 3 parenting books, mom of four (plus one daughter-in-love) Contact Lori for your next event. She is also available for parent consulting and parent training courses.
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About the Author
Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.