Most parents hope their kids can stay calm during a struggle and bounce back after a failure. Stress management and emotional resiliency are piece of EQ. Being calm during frustrating moments or bouncing back after a disappointment doesn’t come naturally for most people. It is learned via experience. Therefore it is critical our kids have experience with hard times.
No parent wants their child to struggle yet struggle is a good teacher. No mom or dad wants their child to fail yet failure is the best teacher. Tackling the struggle in a positive way actually occurs before the struggle is experienced. Train your kids in positive self talk.
Self talk that sounds like:
- I can’t.
- I’m stupid.
- I won’t.
- I never.
- I failed.
- I give up.
keeps a person stuck, unable to move forward. Instead help your kids embrace a challenge. Train them to say things like:
- I will try.
- I’m capable.
- I’m willing.
- I’m learning.
- I’ll try a different way.
If we want resilient kids, kids who can accept disappointment and then move forward we must resist the urge to rescue or fix every struggle or prevent failure. Difficulty, opposition, or failure present opportunities to grow. Hardship produces perseverance and develops patience.
Although it goes against our protective parental grain, allowing struggle is a loving thing to do.
Support rather than rescue. Build your child’s confidence by allowing him to experience and own his successes and failures.
Dedication, perseverance, and commitment make up the quality of resiliency. These resilient characteristics are born out of struggle.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not put us to shame,
because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit,
who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5
© LoriWildenberg. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.
