Meet my new friend and author Shauna Shanks. She is guest blogging for me today. Shauna is getting really real with us. She writes about her marriage falling apart. She transparently shares her husband was involved with another woman.
Read about her personal and spiritual journey below. Then get her book for the rest of the story.
With faith, hope, and love,
You Don’t Have to Crumble when Life Falls Apart
My marriage fell apart in 2013 when my husband admitted he was involved with another woman. Although in hindsight I could see the areas in my own life that had contributed to this failure in our marriage, there were still so many factors outside of my control.
One of the most painful was my husband was attracted to someone else. Ouch. Even worse, this was happening in front of our kids. I could not stop that. We shielded them the best we could, sure, but obviously they would notice if their dad moved out of the house. They would notice if we moved half of their stuff and they had to go a few days at a time without seeing the other parent once we split custody. They would have to deal with the feels of the divorce.
Would they face pain? Resentment? Rejection? Fear? These were real fears I had for them. My instinct is to hide it all from them, and just make the situation go away.
As a mom, I didn’t just get the luxury of wallowing in sadness, and spiraling into depression. I needed to be whole for my kids.
So I sought wholeness.
I knew what this man was saying about me. He wasn’t attracted to me anymore. He has wasted 10 years of his life with me. He did not love me.
But I also had this sneaking suspicion that I had pretty significant value to someone else who mattered more. I found myself pursuing God wildly and pouring over scriptures. I walked out of that season with such a strong identity of who I was.
I went from desperately desiring love, approval, hope and wholeness to finding I already had it. I was loved. I was approved. I was whole already- regardless of what someone had done to me.
James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” NIV
I realized I can’t shield my kids from all the tough things they will unavoidably face in life. They may never experience crisis in a marriage, but they will face challenges, certainly, as they grow. It’s my job to equip them well.
I want them to know that as followers of Jesus, we are not left alone, without resource. We don’t have to crumble. We can stand tall and find our confidence, identity, and purpose in Jesus. He affirms us. We are affirmed. He guides us. We are not lost.
Scriptures are chalked full of underdog stories, men and women who faced such adversity their stories still resonate with millions today. So I let me kids in a little. I want them to know on a firsthand account of God’s faithfulness. We began studying scripture together (on their level), praying for daddy (on their level) and offering trust to this Great Big God we read about. Though He doesn’t always change our circumstances, He does challenge us to persevere.
Is there a situation in your life that God is not changing the circumstance for you, but rather asking you persevere through?
Be encouraged! Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Shauna Shanks is a wife, mother, and entrepreneur. She shares fighting for her marriage in her memoir A Fierce Love: One Woman’s Courageous Journey to Save her Marriage (Zondervan, 2017). Shauna and her husband, Micah, who is a police officer, have been married for more than a decade, and they live with their three boys on an Ohio farm. www.shaunashanks.com
© LoriWildenberg. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.