Our kids need encouragement from us, yet we often affirm them in ways that may backfire. When we focus our compliments only on their performance or appearance, our children begin to believe our love and attention is conditional. They may begin to think that positive attention only comes through  beauty or achievement.

Of course our kiddos need to hear us say, “Well done.” “I’m proud of you.” “You look beautiful (handsome).”  As adults we appreciate those sentiments also.
But don’t stop there, weave in nonperformance and appearance related up-lifters to your speaklife repertoire.

Here are 10 Encouragements that we can say to our children that are not related to achievement or  appearance but to character and connection.

  • When I see you, my heart has a happy burst.
  • Your laugh makes me smile.
  • You are a compassionate and caring friend.
  • I love spending time with you.
  • Your thoughtfulness warms my heart.
  • Your energy and passion is inspirational.
  • Talking with you is the best part of my day.
  • You are so brave.
  • The world is a more caring place because of you.
  • God created you-in His image–on purpose, for a purpose.

Intentionally include character building and connection strengthening statements to the affirmations you speak to your kiddos.  We speak life when we encourage and compliment.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 


© LoriWildenberg. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.

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