We are passionate about kids. Many of us, most of us, are surprised at the big love we have and also kind of shocked at the big mad that can rise up in us toward that same child as well.
We want to stay in control but sometimes struggle with how to do that.
Here are 5 ways we can regain control so we can move to problem-solving mode.
- Remind yourself of your child’s age. “My child is _____ years old. I am_____ years old.” Kids think talk and reason like kids. We need to think talk and reason like an adult.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man (mom), I put the ways of my childhood behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11
- Avoid replaying the angry reactions in your mind. Instead practice how you will do it differently the next time.
We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5b
- Change your self-talk. “I’m the worst parent. I have the worst temper.” Rather say,”I can choose to respond with kindness and respect.” OR change your self talk regarding your child, “That kid is such a liar.” Instead focus on the action needed, “Honesty is a trait we need to work on.”
The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:6
- Develop a rage interrupter. This is a go to reaction one implements to halt the mad so the problem can be addressed. This stops the big emotion. One dad told me his rage interrupter was to bite his finger. Another mom mentioned she recites scripture. I like humor so I close my eyes and visualize my self doing a silent scream (NOTE: this is not done to mock , this is only something I see. This picture in my mind’s eye helps me work out of my brain rather than my feelings. )
Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight reign on their tongue deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. James 1:26
- Remember anger is an indicator there is an issue but it is a terrible way to solve a problem. Anger is usually a secondary emotion caused by a primary emotion like: frustration, embarrassment, or hurt. Anger lets us know something is wrong and that something needs to be addressed.
Do not sin in your anger.
In your anger do not sin. Ephesians 4:26a
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© LoriWildenberg. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.