The roller-coaster in my stomach woke me up this morning.
My heart is not confined to my chest.
I don’t have the flu.
I’m not having a heart attack.
My twenty-four year old daughter is moving.
Moving out of the country.
Motherhood is the slow Band-Aid removal technique. It’s very nature is a series of slow and painful separations.
Birth– it’s the start of it all.
Activities and friendships.
A move out of state.
And now this…Taiwan.
I’m not good at sharing. I’m not a hover mother–I’m a hoarder-mutter.
When Samantha was six, she and I had a weekend alone in our home. (Unheard of when you have a husband, four children, and two dogs.) As she was getting ready for bed she announced, “I’m sleeping with you tonight, Mom. I don’t want you to be lonely.”
When she went to camp, she called, “Mom can you pick me up? I’m homesick.”
When she was twenty-two she moved to California.“Mom, I’m moving to LA. If you want to drive with me– I’m leaving next week.”
Rip off the bandage. Rip out my heart.
Kids don’t get it. We become parents to have kids not to let them go….
But that is the irony isn’t it?
My child, isn’t mine.
She isn’t even hers.
So I will pray in her independence from me, from her dad, from our family, she depends on her Heavenly Father.
And every time my stomach does a loop-dee-loop or every time my chest tries to pull my heart back in, I will pray God draws her close and she knows He is near…
Even when I am not.
Samantha, I will miss you more than you could ever imagine. (That is until one day… you are called Mom.) I love you more than you can fathom. (That is until one day…you are called Mom.) No matter the distance between us, I will always be Mom. Always loving you, cheering you on, and praying for you. Whether I’m sitting next to you, in the stands, or across the ocean, I am your biggest fan. You call me, Mom.
And wrap your head around this, God loves you even more………..
He doesn’t sit on the side-lines. He will walk right alongside you every step of the way. Never no never letting you move beyond His loving grasp because…
He holds on with supernatural super glue.
With faith, hope, and love,
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19
Raising Big Kids with Supernatural Love
Raising Little Kids with Big Love
I feel your pain and am inspired by your faith. God WILL be with Samantha every step of the way. xoxo
P.S. Darling photo of you two!
A mother's heart- forever exposed.