Do you have a child or young adult who vomits his feelings? After spewing his emotions he feels better but you are still in the stench of that emotional expulsion.

How can we train our kids express their feelings without doing an affect purge?

We do it by training them how to recognize and verbalize emotion.

Before putting words to feelings an awareness needs to be created and triggers identified. Then our kids will be more able to self-regulate and enjoy more positive relationships with family members (and others).

This is the first blog in a series of blogs about emotional intelligence or emotional quotient. Subsequent articles will focus on how to increase your kiddo’s soft skills —like how they approach life, express themselves, and form relationships with others.

Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence Assessment

1. Does your child become defensive when corrected? (correction not criticism)

2. Is your child able to utilize both positive and negative feedback in a constructive way?

3. How does your child response to stressful situations? (lots of homework, a busy schedule)

4. How does you child respond to disappointment?

5. Is your child able to persevere and persist in order to meet a goal?

6. How would you describe your child’s general disposition? (optimistic, pessimistic, realistic)

7. Is his self talk harmful or helpful?

8. Is he able to state his concerns constructively?

9.  Is he able to dialogue and discuss without debating or becoming defensive?

10. Is he able to see things from another point of view?

11. How well does he play and work with others?

12. Does he express empathy for others?

13. Can he admit to making a mistake?

14. Is he able to ask for forgiveness? Grant forgiveness?

15. Does your child follow through with promises?

16. Is he able to be flexible?

17. Does he demonstrate respect for others, for God, for self, for property?

18. Is he loyal to family members? Friends?

19. Is he willing and able to problem-solve?

20. Does your child seek help when needed?

Next week we will explore emotion regulation and self control and how to help our kids increase their skills in this area.

(PS Just a thought, you may want to take the assessment yourself as well. How we parents respond makes a big impact on our children.)

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight,
preserve sound judgment and discretion;
they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
Proverbs 3:21-22

Here are 5 related blogs posts you may be interested in:

1. 4 Ways to Increase Your Child’s Ability to Make Friends

2. 10 Ways to Raise a Smart Kid

3. Don’t Freak-Out Over School Choices. Google Doesn’t 

4. Embracing Imperfection

5. Table Grace

Lori Wildenberg
Licensed parent and family educator, co-founder of , Lori’s newest parenting book is available on Amazon or at your favorite bookstore.  Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home.  Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting and parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at  the MOMS Together community on Facebook. 


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About the Author

Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.

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