Fellow Wives, we all know our men need us to be their cheerleaders. Sometimes we feel resentful of that need. We wonder, “Where is my pat on the back for the things I do?” Let me attempt to put things into perspective.
Typically our kids are created to look to moms for encouragement and then those same children desire to impress mom with all the things they can do. “Mommy watch me!” is a common phrase from little ones. Bigger kids less overt, “Mom, are you coming to my game?” We innately know we are to build up our children.
Now think of your son, needing your encouragement. Wanting to show you the best he’s got. The desire to impress Mom with his talents, smarts, and abilities is BIG. That little boy or teenage son will one day grow up to be a man. Maybe a man who marries.
A healthy man will transfer his need to be encouraged and to impress the woman in his life from his mama to his wife. Don’t we want to be that person that says, “Way to go”? God tells us in Proverbs 14:1, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”
Here are a few simple ideas that your husband will think are awesome. And you will most likely see a change in his appreciation of you as well.
- When you first see him after being apart (this honestly takes some effort if you happen to be highly task-oriented like me) stop what you’re doing, say hello, and give him a kiss. Tom, my husband, has said this is a really big deal. I guess he looks forward to coming home and being with me and the gang. That’s a good thing! Then… here’s the hard part. Allow him a few minutes to readjust. Don’t turn the kids over to him immediately. (I know what you’re thinking, “He’s been in the car alone, listening to whatever he chooses on the radio.” Well…somehow that doesn’t count in the re-entry process. Sorry. After he has been in his porcelain man cave for a reasonable amount of time then he will be all yours and ready to join the family.)
- Make a BIG deal about the work he does around the house for you. Show appreciation. A man loves to do things for his woman if the woman acts like he just hung the moon. (My sister-in-law is so good at that! My brother would do anything for her. He is her hero.)
- Give him a phone call during the day, a couple times a month, and tell him how much you appreciate him and all he does for the family. (I learned this from a mom in one of my parenting classes. When I have implemented this, my husband is pleasantly surprised and feels loved and valued. I confess, need to do this more often.)
So… be your husband biggest fan. You sure don’t want someone else to be.
© LoriWildenberg. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Lori Wildenberg is a licensed parent and family educator, parent coach, and co-founder of 1Corinthians13 Parenting.com. She has written 6 books including Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home; The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections; and her most recent book, Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation. Contact Lori for your next event or for parent consulting or parent training courses. Lori can also be found mentoring over at the MOMS Together Group on Facebook.